I had to cancel my phone, so I’m Face Timing and Skyping from the Starbucks around the corner. There’s no way I can pay the roaming charges from the trip to Bali. Telus should have said something before I went. They’re totally coming after me for it, too. I think I might have to move. [...]

It’s a Ghost Race Lector Pro road bike. I found it online and ordered it from England and it’s sweet. Premium of course. I put it on my credit card. I had to have something good after the shit that went down in Bali. I register for the Spring Ride to Whistler and do laps [...]

Wren picks up some kind of bug that has her pooping in the can all day. She’s a white as a sheet. On the good side, I think she’s lost two or three pounds. I tell her she looks really thin and that makes her happy. I’m dying for a steak. I haven’t had real [...]

I think maybe Wren was right about him pinching her boob. I saw him flirting with some bitch from Germany on the beach, right in front of me. And he keeps asking me to buy him stuff and it was fun at first, you know a shell bracelet, or a t-shirt. Now he wants a [...]

So there was this big fight on the beach. Shell boy and the Russian guy just went at it. It’s all Wren’s fault. She says my Shell boy was coming on to her, pinched her boob or her ass or something like that. It’s all just bullshit. Shell boy says he didn’t do it at [...]

The weird accent guy from England really is a TV producer. He took pictures of us and is sending them to his production company in England. Things are really starting to move! Wren and I could be Yoga stars in England by next month. He’s psyched. He totally loves my abs. I totally love my [...]

We do yoga on the beach, start with sun salutations, the move on. Warrior, down dog, throw in some pilates moves, teaser, hundreds, side kick. My abs are ripped. We look fantastic on the beach in our bikinis. Tomorrow I’ll bring a towel or something though, because I got sand in my crotch. The Bali [...]

Wren and I book a trip to Bali. I figure with the cheque the TV show cut me I’m going to take my fabulous ass to paradise and learn to surf. That’s all I hear about from Wren. Her sister has a boyfriend there so I spend three weeks in the tanning salon before we [...]

Second week in I wake up in the morning and my eye aches. Feels like I’ve been punched, so I check myself out in the mirror and my eye is swollen and looks filled with blood. Jesus. It’s itchy and achy and I try to put some drops in to clear it up but nothing [...]

I got it! I’m totally stoked. The first thing I do is call the temp agency and quit. The show’s called “Training Day” and we coach triathletes to pick up their times. They’re teams of four, and Orangutan Girl is on one of the other teams. I can’t believe they took her. There’s a nutritionist, [...]